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Out of Bounds (Unplugged)
Chapter 5.
V. The Party of the Life
Drummond and Dolly trooped up the walk to the hilltop playground by the Dean's Residence, Carpenter Hall. Dolly Lao Ma was already there, sitting prettily cross-legged on the back of an enormous cast-concrete turtle, one of a half-dozen animal sculptures that populated the area, including a giant frog that had, improbably but also somewhat inevitably, been named Kermit by the children of the Center staffers who used the playground. The china dolly was dressed in a blue silk indoor gown and matching silk slippers. As a concession to modern pavements, the slippers had been soled with thin black leather, but the costume appeared to be otherwise authentic to the royal courts from around the time of the founding of the Chin empire. The only jarring note was the conical straw hat Lao Ma was wearing, at the moment slung on her back by a blue silk ribbon tied at her throat.
"That's kinda a peasant thing, isn't it?" Dolly asked, pointing, when they got close enough to talk.
Lao Ma ducked her head in acknowledgment and smiled. Her hair was braided in a single queue down the middle of her back, her face framed by flyaway wisps of jet. "Yes. But the moment I portray in Lao Ma's life is one of concealment. Remember, Ming Tzu has invaded my home with his soldiers searching for Xena, who is hiding under the water of my bath. He has the effrontery to remind me that I was once a courtesan and that it was his hand that raised me up and placed me at the side of my husband, the great Lao Tzu. When you read Chinese folk tails, nobles and royalty were always going about disguised as peasants. Since my costume is, at least in part, metaphorical, I thought the hat a fitting symbol of disguise."
Dolly cheered the concept with a broad smile and a gleeful clapping of her hands. "Oh, brilliant, Ma!"
"Besides," Lao Ma said with a widening grin. "The sun is hot today, and the hat is an excellent shade from the heat." With that, she pulled it up and settled it on her head.
"Which is the real reason," Drummond said wryly.
"Yes," Lao Ma replied, her smile taking on a droll character.
Dolly thought that Drummond had asked a question, and echoed, "Which?"
Drummond and Ma answered simultaneously, "Yes." And laughed.
Dolly looked confusedly from one to the other then gave up. "Whatever. Let's go get some dinner."
"Will they not be serving food at this affair?"
"Yes, there will be finger food and snacks," Drummond supplied. "But if you require solid and regular sustenance, like I do, then party fare can be pretty slim pickings. No reflection on the hostess, It's just foolish for me at least to show up at one of these things hungry."
"And I discovered a long time ago that I work the same way," Dolly said. "Come on, Ma! If you're not hungry, you can have a salad or an appetizer or something. Keep us company." She hooked elbows with her band mate and drew her along toward The Spotted Mushroom, a roadhouse across Bixby Road from campus. Ma surrendered to Dolly with good grace. Like everyone else, she found the tiny redhead impossible to deny.
"So, Gabrielle. I do not recognize the costume you have on as being from a specific episode."
Dolly gave a little giggle. "I decided I wanted to tease a little. This outfit is pretty generic--Gabrielle's been seen in something like several times--so the details of it are important, and I'm betting that a lot of folks won't be able to guess it."
"It certainly is... well, white," Ma said with a mock grimace.
Dolly chuckled. "Yeah. But I'm gonna put it to everybody this way. They can guess. The only clue I'll give 'em is that it's a genuine PacRen costume that was made for me 'cause I was doubling Ren when they shot the episode back in March."
"So it was one of the last episodes they shot for the fourth season."
"Maybe," Dolly giggled.
"But, March... They started shooting the fifth season in mid April..."
"The Nineteenth," Drummond put in. "We were there, in New Xenaland, that day."
"I remember. But what was Gabrielle wearing... Oh, Dolly, tell me! As your sister dolly, I beg you."
"OK," Dolly relented. She pulled the three of them to a halt and stood on tiptoe to whisper into Lao Ma's ear.
The china dolly's eyes widened and she got a pursed-lipped grin on her face and the smile lines around her mouth deepened. "Hoo-hoo-hoo. You sly little bitch!" she said admiringly. "They'll never guess that!"
"Sure they will. All they have to do is pay attention and work it out. I'll sure be crying enough during the course of the night, considering the number Xe and I are going to do for our acoustic set."
"Speaking of which," Drummond said, gripping both of their elbows and pulling them along toward the restaurant. "You have a sound check to do before the guests start arriving, so we'd better feed our faces and get gone."
#
Dolly let go a belch followed immediately by a giggle, which she attempted to stifle with her fingers across her mouth. "Goodness!" she said. laughing.
"In the Orient, a belch is a compliment to the hostess..."
"I know," Dolly said, still laughing. "I just didn't expect it."
"So I take it you enjoyed your meal," Drummond said drolly as he handed his AmEx card to the waiter.
"Oh, yes," Dolly said in a mock-dramatic tone. "Yes, my darling. I simply could not eat any more of those delicious kippers." They'd had steaks.
"You didn't have kippers," Drummond pointed out.
"I know. But I couldn't eat any more than none," Dolly collapsed against the back of the banquette, helpless in the grip of her giggles.
Drummond just looked at her and raised an eyebrow. He turned to catch Lao Ma's eye. The china dolly lifted her hands in surrender. "I have no idea," she said. "But when something strikes her as funny, there's no stopping her. You just have to let her run down."
"Ooo!" Dolly hooted. "Run down!" She bounced merrily in her seat, peals of laughter pouring from her tiny form. Other diners in the restaurant were starting to look over their way with expressions ranging from annoyance to amused tolerance.
Drummond spotted their waiter hurrying back in their direction, the usual little charge-slip tray in his hand and a worried expression on his face. He got ready to deflect a request of Dolly to tone it down with a, "We were just leaving."
"Dolly," he said out of the corner of his mouth. "You're gonna get us thrown out of here."
"Oh, lighten up, Drummond, willya?" Dolly giggled, wiping a tear from her eye and dissolving again into helpless peals of laughter. "They'll let us pay the check, at least. You're such a tight-ass!"
Just then, the waiter reached their table, dropping the charge slip on the table without comment. It was obvious from his expression that Dolly's behavior was near to the last thing on his mind. "Sir, are you from the college across the street?"
Drummond's alarm senses perked up. The question was obviously pro forma, since the charge card was in the name of the Center. "Yes," he answered cautiously.
"There's a call for you, sir--at the bar."
His eyes widened and he glanced at his two companions. Dolly Lao Ma took a sharp breath and even Dolly sobered slightly. Drummond took his napkin from his lap and dropped it next to his plate. Quickly calculating a tip, he signed the charge slip and handed it to the waiter. "You two had probably better get ready to go. Meet me in the bar when you're ready. This can't be good news."
With that, he stood and strode off through the increasingly busy dining room toward the bar. Behind him, Dolly Lao Ma gathered her own impedimenta together before attempting to chivvy Gab Dolly into motion. The little doll was going to be hard to get moving. That much was clear.
Drummond picked up the phone the bartender indicated for him. "Drummond."
"Chief," he heard a familiar, worried voice on the other end. Nasty. What did the Lesser Elf want at this hour? "We need you at the Ice facility. We got trouble. Big trouble."
"What's up, Nasty?"
"You better see for yourself. Come quickly!"
"On my way!"