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Christians, n.:
People who follow Jesus, although they disagree on which way He went.

"Mom, I need help on my homework."
"Sure! What do you need help with? The reading? The math? The spelling?"
"...The caring."
~ Zoe/Mom, "Baby Blues"

"Hey, look! His age and his IQ, all in one gesture!"
~Dad's response to some guy giving him the finger

"Descartes is ordering a cup of coffee. The waitress asks, 'Would you like cream and sugar?'
'I think not,' he responds.
When the waitress returns with the order Descartes has disappeared."

"Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
All my base
Are belong to you."

"Astronomers were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was 'uh oh.'"

"Be there or be rectangle!"
~ A random email that I got

"In March of 1998, 1,200 students at Greenbrier High School in Evans, Georgia, assembled in the school parking lot, many of them wearing red and white clothing, to spell out the word "Coke." It was Coke in Education Day at the school, and a dozen Coca-Cola executives had come for the occasion. Greenbrier High was hoping for a $500 prize, which had been offered to the local high school that came up with the best marketing plan for Coca-Cola discount cards. As part of the festivies, Coke executives had lectured the students on economics and helped them bake a Coca-Cola cake. A photographer was hoisted above the parking lot by a crane, ready to record the human C-O-K-E for posterity. When the photographer started to take pictures, Mike Cameron -- a Greenbrier senior, standing amid the letter C -- suddenly revealed a T-shirt that said "Pepsi." His act of defiance soon received nationwide publicity, as did the fact that he was immediately suspended from school. The principal said Cameron could have been suspended for a week for the prank, but removed him from classes for just a day. "I don't consider this a prank," Mike Cameron told the Washington Post. "I like to be an individual. That's the way I am."
~ Eric Schlosser, Fast Food Nation

"I told him, 'There's two things I can do for first aid: give you a band-aid, or call 911. So far, it looks like you're still at level one.'"
~ Marci, quoted in Starhawk's LiveJournal

"Did you know that Microsoft Word's spellchecker recognizes 'legalese' as a real word?"

"Roses are reddish,
Violets are bluish,
If not for Christmas,
We'd all be Jewish."
~ Benny Hill, QuoteGarden.com

"When all was said and done, more was said than done."
~ A quote in the newspaper

Husband: *from other room* "Honey, where's the remote?!"
Wife: *sigh* "Did you check under you?"
Husband: *pause* "...Thank you."
~ A TV commercial for some sitcom

"I think I'm supposed to laugh maniacally now."
~ Dr. Wily, Bob and George

"Hey, I managed to get the rats out of the basement."
"You set traps?"
"No, I destroyed the basement."
~ Crash/Bass, Crash & Bass

"I'm convinced that when the world ends, only two things will remain: roaches and Dragonball Z."
~ whymetoday, LiveJournal

"I'm the oldest one in this group, and I've got the most Spandex on!"
~ John O'Hurley, "Dancing with the Stars"

"Is that an egg roll in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
~ Chinese lady, "My Wife and Kids"

"And Ken played the tambourine and apparently is very proud of that fact, because it was listed on the linear notes."
~ sake_butterfly, LiveJournal, in a review of L'Arc's new album, Awake

"It was really cute!! I was like 'Awwwwwwww, Tetsu getting to be more like Hyde all the time!!' But no, that's not fair to Hyde, because he finds creative ways to forget lyrics."
~ a_chan_1x2x1, LiveJournal, commenting on Tetsu's forgetting the lyrics during a show

"He who laughs last laughs the most loudest laughs!!"
"...What Omi did to that sentence is what we're gonna do to you!!"
~ Omi/Raimundo

"I have WAY too many plot-bunnies in my head. -_-;;"
~ Niki121488, Janime's forums

"Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew's Passion' on a ukelele."
"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
"Fate knocks but coincedence breaks down the door."
"I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code."
~ Squirtel's AIM Profile

"They called us Squirts last year, and now we're the PeeWees. What do they want us to do, play baseball or urinate?"
~ Simon, Simon Birch

"Oh my Lenin! Someone has stolen Stalin's brain!!"
"Who in the name of Gorby would steal Stalin's brain?"
~ Russian guys in "Bob and George"

"Then I am a skeleton with a penis at a typewriter."
~ Billy Collins, "Purity"

"Two Rock Man's?"
"MWAHAHAHA!! My device works!"
"Your device duplicates your worst enemy. You're a freakin' genius."
~Forte/Dr. Wily, "Bob and George"

"As evidenced by George/Blitz, I'm a fan of characters with electricity-based powers. When you really understand electricity, you realize how many versatile applications there are for a good jolt of voltage. Not only can you shock people and power your computer, but when you include the heat-producing and magnetic properties also associated with electricity, you open up all sorts of other applications. Why limit yourself to just shocking people when you could also set them on fire and steal their watch?"
~ Dave, author of "Bob and George"

"All the variables and data types that we have seen up to now have consisted of a single type of entity -- a number of some kind, a character, or a string. Life, the universe, and everything are usually a bit more complicated than that, unless you are among those who believe that the answer is 42, in which case all you ever need is an int."
~ Ivor Horton, Visual C++ 6.0

"There is a story that is told of a tourist in Washington, D.C., who telephoned the minister of a church where the president often attended. The tourist wanted to know if the president was expected to worship there that Sunday. The minister said, 'That I don't know for certain, but I can tell you that we are expecting God to be here, and we hope his presence will attract a sizeable crowd.'"

"The number one reason why God created Eve: When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, 'I can do better than that.'"
~ Thought For the Day

"Hands are for praying, not hitting."
~ Nanny 911

"Now I've thought myself into a corner..."
~ Dave, author of "Bob and George"

"Raising a teenager is like trying to nail Jello to a tree."
~ A wallhanger that I saw in a gift shop

"Hey, wanna go do something stupid?"
~ Megaman and Bass's catchphrase, "Bob and George"

"This page has moved to California to find itself."
"You had better pull over and ask for directions."
"It looks like the typing class your cat is taking is not 100% successful."
"The page you wanted is taking a long lunch."
"Aliens must have abducted this page!"
"Hope you didn't pay too much for that URL."
"Great, now you've done it. You've gone and broken the Internet."
"The page you are looking for has spontaneously combusted."
~ Angelfire "Page cannot be found" error messages

"Honor the power of the off switch!"
~ Omi, "Xiaolin Showdown"

"On the other hand-- ...There is no other hand."
~Tevye, Fiddler on the Roof

"I know we're the chosen people, Lord, but... Couldn't you choose someone else every once in a while?"
~Tevye, Fiddler on the Roof

"I am a parent; therefore, I am an idiot."
~ Richard, Jungle 2 Jungle

"Maybe we should stop and ask for directions..."
"Uncle knows how to read map!! Oh.." *turns map over* "Map must be right side up."
~ Toru/Uncle, Jackie Chan Adventures

"An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clunking noise when going around corners. He took the car out for a test drive and made two right turns, each time hearing a loud clunk. Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note: 'Removed bowling ball from trunk.'"
~ Some joke site

*J opens locker*
"All hail J!! All hail J!!"
*J closes locker*
~ Locker people, MIIB

"After you, Kimiko. Unless you're scared."
*consults book* "Oh, yes! Females are easily frightened!"
"Omi, you're lucky you're cute."
~ Raimundo/Omi/Kimiko, Xiaolin Showdown

"Some programmers joke that the object-oriented extension of COBOL should be called ADD 1 TO COBOL GIVING COBOL. This is by analogy with C++, a pun on C's syntax for incrementing a variable in place, and it highlights the verbosity of COBOL's syntax compared to C. The joke is that in C, the expression 'C++' increments 'C' (hence the name of the incrementally-extended language C++), whereas the equivalent in COBOL would be an unusably long name for a language."
~ Wikipedia's article on COBOL

"The day Jake Gyllenhaal was cast in 'Brokeback,' the chatter around the industry was not about what a wise choice he'd made. 'It's the most stupid move he could make,' said one top producer over lunch that afternoon. 'It'll alienate his teen-girl fan base and could kill his career. What a waste.'"
~ "Forbidden Territory," Newsweek

"Yes, they get asked about the sex a lot. 'I'm amazed, really,' Gyllenhaal says, laughing. 'Everybody is soooo interested in it.'"
~ "Forbidden Territory," Newsweek

"In an early meeting, Schamus told Lee that, from a marketing standpoint, they were making this film for one core audience. 'Yes, of course,' Lee said. 'The gay audience.' No, Schamus said. 'Women.'"
~ "Forbidden Territory," Newsweek

"If you routinely change your passwords, as you should, and then you time travel into the future, how would you check your email?! These things keep me up at night."
~ Dave, author of "Bob and George"

"My first girl hug!! Can I have another?"
~ Omi, Xiaolin Showdown

"I think she has euthanasia."
~ Lauren's thoughts on our Econ teacher's frequent coughing (she meant to say "emphysema")

"Then the Head [of the school]'s friends saw that the Head was no use as a Head, so they got her promoted to Inspector so she could interfere with other Heads. Then they saw that she was no good even at that, so they got her into Parliament, where she lived happily ever after."
~ The Chronicles of Narnia: The Silver Chair

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
~ Some football coach

"Hey, what's this?"
"Oh, that's a Xerox of my butt!"
~ Mr. Maddox/Max, Kickboxing Academy

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."

"The project involves construction of a new rest room with observation platforms, a viewing area, and interpretive signs."
~ a news item in the Reno Gazette-Journal (Nevada), quoted in The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Calendar

"Who ever thought up the word 'mammogram'? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone."

"Next... Next... Next there is nothing in the prompter."
~ Oprah

"Home is where the pie is."
~ Found on a roll of printed paper towels

"BEEPILEPSY - The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and interruption of speech in mid-sentence."

"PAR WARS: May the course be with you."
~ A guy's shirt I saw at Creamy Whip

"The Paladin pauses for a moment, panting slightly. 'We are making good time, my friend. You keep pace well, for an untrained civilian.' You stifle a smile, as it is not you who is panting for breath."
~ Achaea

"I like to keep my enemies confused."
"We're all confused, K."
~ K/J, MIIB

Ecumenical prayer service, n.:
When Christians of various denominations get together and confuse the heck out of God.

"Shut up, brain. Or I'll stab you with a Q-tip."
~ Interesting quote from a kid's T-shirt in Creamy Whip today

"Heh... the oboe. Known to band geeks everywhere as 'the farting bedpost.'"
~ theriverwolf

"I just heard on TV that women are supposedly more negatively affected by a cloudy day than by PMS. ...Whoever thought that up must have been a guy."

"The queen is dead. Long live the queen!"
~ A random soldier in the movie Elizabeth

"Well, that's one way to get a vacation!"
~ Message displayed by Police Quest when you crash your car

"Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes."
~ Top 11 Entries in Bill Gates' Diary

"A women is like a... is like a... artichoke. You have to do a bit of work before you get to her heart."
~ Inspector Jacques Clouseau, The Pink Panther

"Do you live alone, Inspector?"
"Yes, I do."
"Do you ever get lonely?"
"No. Not since the Internet."
~ Nicole/Inspector Clouseau, The Pink Panther

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Quotes from Disney's The Emperor's New Groove:

"That is the last time we take directions from a squirrel!!"
~ Yzma

"It wasn't the first time I was thrown out of a window and it won't be the last. What can I say? I'm a rebel!"
~ Old man (whose voice is done by the same guy who does Piglet!!)

"Oh, come off it."
"You come off it!"
"You."
"You."
"You!"
"You infinity."
*crosses arms* "Hmph."
~ Kronk's shoulder angel/shoulder devil

"We're on our honeymoon!"
"Bless you for coming out in public."
~ Pacha/Waitress

*whispers* "Do you have the... the you know?"
"Huh? Oh, right, the poison, the poison for Cuzco, the poison chosen specifically to kill Cuzco, Cuzco's poison. *pause* ...That poison?"
"YES!! That poison!"
"Gotcha covered."
~ Yzma/Kronk

"Kronk, are you talking to that squirrel?"
"I was a Junior Chipmunk; we had to be versed in all the woodland creatures." *to squirrel* "Please, continue."
~ Yzma/Kronk

"Pull the lever!" *Kronk pulls lever* "Wrong leveeeeerrrrrrrr!" *while climbing out of alligator pit* "Why do we even HAVE that lever?"
~ Yzma

"Look at him with that sissy stringy thing."
"We've been through this. It's a harp, and you know it."
"Right. It's a harp. And that's a dress."
"Robe!"
~ Kronk's shoulder devil/angel

"Hey! That's sorta the same thing he said to you when you got fired!"
"I know. It's called a 'cruel irony.' Like my dependence on you."
~ Kronk/Yzma

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Quotes taken from Fortune's Blurty:

"One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs."
~Robert Firth, taken from Fortune's Blurty

"Superior ability breeds superior ambition."
~ Spock, "Space Seed", stardate 3141.9

"No one talks peace unless he's ready to back it up with war."
~ Colonel Green, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.5

"I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars."
~ Fred Allen

"One-Shot Case Study, n.:
The scientific equivalent of the four-leaf clover, from which it is concluded all clovers possess four leaves and are sometimes green."

"But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed, analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses."
~ Bruce Leverett, "Register Allocation in Optimizing Compliers"

"William Safire's Rules for Writers:
Remember to never split an infinitive. The passive voice should never be used. Do not put statements in the negative form. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. Proofread carefully to see if you words out. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing. A writer must not shift your point of view. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.) Don't overuse exclamation marks!! Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing. Always pick on the correct idiom. The adverb always follows the verb. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives."

"THE STORY OF CREATION
or
THE MYTH OF URK
In the beginning there was data. The data was without form and null, and darkness was upon the face of the console; and the Spirit of IBM was moving over the face of the market. And DEC said, 'Let there be registers'; and there were registers. And DEC saw that they carried; and DEC separated the data from the instructions. DEC called the data Stack, and the instructions they called Code. And there was evening and there was morning, one interrupt."
~ Rico Tudor

"God rest ye CS students now,
Let nothing you dismay.
The VAX is down and won't be up,
Until the first of May.
The program that was due this morn,
Won't be postponed, they say.
-
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy,
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy.
-
The bearings on the drum are gone,
The disk is wobbling, too.
We've found a bug in Lisp, and Algol
Can't tell false from true.
And now we find that we can't get
At Berkeley's 4.2.
-
(chorus)"

"The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty. You might want to mug someone with it."
~ M. Devine, Computer Science 340

"Farmers in the Iowa State survey rated machinery breakdowns more stressful than divorce."
~ Wall Street Journal

"What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite."
~Bertrand Russell, "Sceptical Essays," 1928

"The government has just completed work on a missile that turned out to be a bit of a boondoggle; nicknamed "Civil Servant", it won't work and they can't fire it."

"Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow"
~ T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Man"

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
~ George Carlin

"All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors."

"A manager was about to be fired, but a programmer who worked for him invented a new program that became popular and sold well. As a result, the manager retained his job. The manager tried to give the programmer a bonus, but the programmer refused it, saying, 'I wrote the program because I though it was an interesting concept, and thus I expect no reward.' The manager, upon hearing this, remarked, 'This programmer, though he holds a position of small esteem, understands well the proper duty of an employee. Lets promote him to the exalted position of management consultant!' But when told this, the programmer once more refused, saying, 'I exist so that I can program. If I were promoted, I would do nothing but waste everyone's time. Can I go now? I have a program that I'm working on.'"
~ Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"

"Love is the only game that is not called on account of darkness."
~ M. Hirschfield

"Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while."

"Never explain. Your friends do not need it and your enemies will never believe you anyway."
~ Elbert Hubbard

"COBOL: An exercise in artificial inelegance."

"When your IQ rises to 28, sell."
~ Professor Irwin Corey, to a heckler

"There is nothing new except what has been forgotten."
~ Marie Antoinette

"Those lovable Brits department:
They also have trouble pronouncing 'vitamin'."

"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
~ Mark Twain

"In 1750, Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs."

"If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers."
~ Doug Larson

"The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.'"
~ Mark Twain

"It's not the men in my life, but the life in my men that counts."
~ Mae West

"How much net work could a network work, if a network could net work?"

"If the master dies and the disciple grieves, the lives of both have been wasted."

"The Lesser-Known Programming Languages #18: C-
This language was named for the grade received by its creator when he submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class. C- is best described as a "low-level" programming language. In fact, the language generally requires more C- statements than machine-code statements to execute a given task. In this respect, it is very similar to COBOL."

"43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped"

"Nine megs for the secretaries fair,
Seven megs for the hackers scarce,
Five megs for the grads in smoky lairs,
Three megs for system source;
One disk to rule them all,
One disk to bind them,
One disk to hold the files
And in the darkness grind 'em."

"Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #32:
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
A: I will be three months November 8th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you and your husband doing at that time?"

"If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you."

"The ladies men admire, I've heard,
Would shudder at a wicked word.
Their candle gives a single light;
They'd rather stay at home at night.
They do not keep awake till three,
Nor read erotic poetry.
They never sanction the impure,
Nor recognize an overture.
They shrink from powders and from paints...
So far, I've had no complaints."
~ Dorothy Parker

"FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when the little hand is on the ...."

"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls."
~ Matt Cartmill

"Compassion -- that's the one thing no machine ever had. Maybe it's the one thing that keeps men ahead of them."
~ McCoy, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4731.3

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Quotes from Dave Barry:

"USER, n.:
The word computer professionals use when they mean 'idiot.'"
~ Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"

"I suggest you locate your hot tub outside your house, so it won't do too much damage if it catches fire or explodes. First you decide which direction your hot tub should face for maximum solar energy. After much trial and error, I have found that the best direction for a hot tub to face is up."
~ Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"

"You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form. The short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls "simplified", which means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears tax-preparation expert to distinguish between their first and last names."
~ Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"

"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'"
~ Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"

"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."
~ Dave Barry

"Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions."
~ Dave Barry

"Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth."
~ Dave Barry

"Admit it, sport-utility-vehicle owners! It's shaped a little differently, but it's a station wagon! And you do not drive it across rivers! You drive it across the Wal-Mart parking lot!"
~ Dave Barry

"Congress shall also create a tax code weighing more than the combined poundage of the largest member of the House and the largest member of the Senate, plus a standard musk ox."
~ Dave Barry

"I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer."
~ Dave Barry

"Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer."
~ Dave Barry

"If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows."
~ Dave Barry

"It is a well-known fact that although the public is fine when taken individually, when it forms itself into large groups, it tends to act as though it has one partially consumed Pez tablet for a brain."
~ Dave Barry

"The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, 'people without lives.' We don't care. We have each other."
~ Dave Barry

"The reason it's called 'Grape Nuts' is that it contains 'dextrose,' which is also sometimes called 'grape sugar,' and also because 'Grape Nuts' is catchier, in terms of marketing, than 'A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel,' which is what it tastes like."
~ Dave Barry

"While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our 'CONFIG.SYS' settings."
~ Dave Barry

"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."
~ Dave Barry

"Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically."
~ Dave Barry

"What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series."
~ Dave Barry

"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million guy sperm cells, each one wriggling in its own direction, totally confident it knows where it is going, to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."
~ Dave Barry

"I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up."
~ Dave Barry

"Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate."
~ Dave Barry

"I like beer. On occasion I will even drink a beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of communism or the fact that our refrigerator is still working."
~ Dave Barry

"Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism."
~ Dave Barry

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Quotes from Reader's Digest and ReadersDigest.com (names have been excluded for privacy reasons):

"Calling my broker to receive some stock quotes, I got the automated telephone system instead. I was asked to state the name of the company in order to receive the stock quote. Before I could say anything, though, I sneezed. A moment later I received a price for Exxon."

"As a professor at the Air Force Institute of Technology, I taught a series of popular courses on software engineering. The program was highly competitive and difficult to get into, but one prospective student made our decision whether to accept him quite simple. When asked to fax over his college transcript, the student told me, 'Well, I would, but it's the only copy that I've got.'"

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